Dissolving The Culture Of Violence
By Earl “Sook” Holdridge
Why is it, after every mass killing, we all want to know, why did it happen, what was the motive, and could it have been prevented? Confused, angry and frustrated, perhaps we're hoping the answers will help prevent future mass killings.
But, the answers apply only to the current case. Until we acknowledge and deal with our underlying culture of violence, and our part in it, mass murders are going to happen again and again. New gun legislation would not change the culture, though it might help some.
In this article I will elaborate on our culture of violence, what's behind it, and share a process I think would positively impact the culture, in some cases immediately.
I will start by saying, I believe every person on this planet, including myself, has the potential of deteriorating to a point where the procurement of a gun to kill is not preventable. That is not making an excuse. It only states the capability of a chronically twisted mind.
My second point is in agreement with Anne Wilson Schaef, who in her 1958 book, When Society Becomes An Addict, wrote;
Why is it, after every mass killing, we all want to know, why did it happen, what was the motive, and could it have been prevented? Confused, angry and frustrated, perhaps we're hoping the answers will help prevent future mass killings.
But, the answers apply only to the current case. Until we acknowledge and deal with our underlying culture of violence, and our part in it, mass murders are going to happen again and again. New gun legislation would not change the culture, though it might help some.
In this article I will elaborate on our culture of violence, what's behind it, and share a process I think would positively impact the culture, in some cases immediately.
I will start by saying, I believe every person on this planet, including myself, has the potential of deteriorating to a point where the procurement of a gun to kill is not preventable. That is not making an excuse. It only states the capability of a chronically twisted mind.
My second point is in agreement with Anne Wilson Schaef, who in her 1958 book, When Society Becomes An Addict, wrote;
"Society is not bad. It is sick,
and trying to get well;
as individuals get well,
society gets better."
Society is sick. We live in a culture of violence. The demeaning of others is violent. The raping and destruction of nature's life support systems is violent. Increasing quarterly profits at the expense of people and the planet is violent. Television models violence. Advertising that makes people feel unlovable and unworthy unless they buy what's being promoted is violent. Dysfunctional school systems and procedures perpetrate mental violence against both faculty and students. Prejudice precipitates violence.
What's behind societal violence?
I think our sense of separation and distorted identities are two primary causes of violence. Separation is in the mind—separation from others, the self and the world. A disconnect from others makes it easier to perpetrate violence on them—even kill them. And the loss of one's true identity causes all kinds of bizarre dysfunctional behaviors, including violence.
Dysfunctional behavior is so prevalent in this country we have come to see it as "normal." In the latest mass murder, Stephen Paddock's brother, his girlfriend and others saw Stephen as a "normal" guy—not capable of committing such a heinous crime. But he did. Who’s next?
Dissolving societal violence
It requires that we first, be honest about it; second, be persistent in seeking the greater truth; third, acknowledge our own part in perpetuating a sick society; fourth,go deep to illuminate our true nature as human beings connected and interdependent; and fifth, do what we can to rid ourselves of separateness.
The process I'm recommending for doing those five things is community truth-telling. It's people coming together in small groups committed to being supportive of one another's honesty in unraveling dysfunction, misunderstandings, and broken identities.
You find it happening in AA, Alanon and other groups. Here's another example. Every week, for 36 years, I've been meeting with a small group of men called the "Southside Mens Group." We work on ourselves together—sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings honestly for the purpose of healing, well-being and fulfillment.
And, by doing that, we discover who we really are; that we are more alike than we are different, that we have the same deep aspirations and longings, and that we all have our own not-so-unique fears, vulnerabilities and dysfunctions. It's amazing how dramatically men can change.
You may say a Stephen Paddock would never have attended a group like ours. I would agree he would not in his final stages. But, if he had chosen to be in a support group years ago, my guess is, he would not have been the mass killer he turned out to be.
Think about that for a moment...and imagine a society that values the formation of small groups working on themselves together. And imagine society vigorously promoting and initiating gatherings like that. If that intention was persistent enough, it would happen. And, it could replicate quickly around the country.
An Invitation to experience the process
With intention to replicate our process, the Southside Mens Group has an open invitation for any male to attend a session to find out if that's something he would like to continue. We meet every Saturday from 8:30 to 10:00 a.m. at the Creekside Community Center, 98th & Penn Ave S. You can learn about us at SouthsideMensGroup.org. You can also read or download a copy of our 32-page booklet that describes what we do, and explains how to start a support group like ours anywhere. Women also could start similar groups.
I'll finish with this bottom line. "As each of us gets well, society gets better." I can't think of a more worthy life-long journey. That's how the culture of violence will dissolve.
Earl "Sook" Holdridge
Edina, Minnesota
former teacher, counselor, and businessman.
